Tuesday

Bizarre hangover remedies

If you've ever had a hangover, you've probably thought about how far you'd go to make the pain go away -- that headache and the feeling that hurts your eyes, your ears and your brain. From crazy promises (“If I live through this, I'm never drinking again”) to consuming your body weight in Gatorade, you may think you'd try anything to get rid of that hangover.

First off, the bad news: There is no such thing as a hangover cure. On the other hand, that hasn't stopped pretty much all of history from dreaming up ways to take the sting out of the morning after.

Next time you feel the ill-effects of too much alcohol, tuck into a bowl of Haejangguk, a Korean beef broth made with pork spine, dried cabbage, coagulated ox blood and vegetables. In Mexico, those serious about busting their resaca (hangover) eat a bowl of Menudo, a traditional spicy soup made with tripe.

A zesty half a lemon rubbed under your drinking arm before 'the session' begins is a hangover-beater that Puerto Ricans swear by.

Folklore has it that the Native Americans worked up a sweat, then licked it off their skin and spat it out to rid their bodies of 'poison'. Asiatic Indians scull a nice big glass of their own wee, while those in the Middle Ages raved about bitter almonds and dried eel.

A pair of pickled sheep's eyes in tomato juice is the hangover buster of choice for heavy drinkers in Outer Mongolia - something to remember if you feel like a night out while travelling through this fine (and curious) country.

We decided to start researching the strangest hangover cures, and where better to go fact-finding than the source of all truth, the Internet? Here's a list of of the wildest and most intriguing hangover cures.

Most are disgusting concoctions of raw eggs and alcohol, but wait until you get down to number 3, 2, and 1 and your stomach will really turn!

No.10 - Lemon in the Armpits
Apparently some Puerto Ricans (and other citrusy fresh people) swear by this method. While I’ve read a few different opinions, the general belief is that you need to rub a slice of lemon in the armpit of your drinking arm before you start boozing. Out of lemons? Lime’s fine. I’m not so sure about this one, but either way you’ll be smelling fresh and fruity.

World’s Greatest Drunks?
Now it’s clearly between the Russians and Irish for being the biggest drunks, so I’ll present a hangover cure from each.

No.9 – Cucumber Juice
The Russians claim all you have to do is drink the juice squeezed from a cucumber. I don’t know how you go about this, but Vodka literally means water in Russian, so who are we to second-guess them?

No.8 – Moist River Sand
The Irish cure? Well they’re said “to bury the ailing person in moist river sand.” It’s not exactly clear if they keep the head above ground, or if this is simply the easiest way to get rid of the weakest drinkers.

No.7 – Jog ‘n’ Lick
Word on the street (according to BBC ) is that Native Americans would run around in the morning to get sweaty after a hard night on the village. Next step? Why the only logical thing: lick all that sweat up and spit it out, so you can get rid of all the ‘poison’ you’d just oozed out. Mmm, I can just taste the sticky malt liquor sweat right now!

No.6 – Sheep Lungs
Now we all learned in school how much the Ancient Greeks & Romans knew how to party, what with the bath houses, orgies, and epic festivals. Well, after a wild night of debauchery Ancient Greeks were all about a nice breakfast of sheep lungs and two owl eggs.

No. 5 - Voodoo
While most of these require mixing together ridiculous ingredients, this hangover remedy simply requires a complete lack of logic… or lots of magic (magic trumps logic every time). Haitian voodoo people are said to recommend sticking 13 black pins in the cork of the offending bottle. Try it out, let me know how it goes.

No. 4 - Highland Fling
After a night on the single malt, the Scots can be forgiven for needing a pick-me-up in the morning. The Highland Fling, an ancient Scottish remedy, involves heating a pint of buttermilk and stirring in a tablespoon of cornflower seasoned with salt and pepper. However, not recommended for the nauseous among you.

No. 3 - Deep-Fried Canaries
While the ancient Romans gave us all kinds of wonderful creations, they also filled the history books with some truly disturbing behavior. Make room in your mind next to the famous Roman orgies and gladiator battles for this bit of information: a staple food for the morning after drinking in ancient Rome was deep-fried canary.

And if you think that sounds cruel and unappetizing, just wait till you see what their great-grandchildren dreamed up at No. 2 on our list.

No.2 - Dried Bull's Penis
If you're like us, the only way you can even imagine somebody eating dried bull's penis is on an episode of Fear Factor. The fact is, though, Sicilian men used to rely on this folk remedy to shake off the haze from a long night of the vino. Between the food, the cars and our own Mr. Mafioso, we can be thankful to the Italians for all kinds of good things -- a great hangover cure isn't one of them.

And while this may sound like the grossest thing a person could ingest to cure a hangover, that “prize” definitely goes to our American-bred hangover cure at No. 1.

No.1 - Rabbit-Dropping Tea
As far as historical hangover cures go, this takes the cake. Sure, eating a bull's penis is nasty enough, but to actually cook with droppings -- blecch! Drinking rabbit-poop tea was a famous cure in the Old West. The drink was popular at the time -- cowboys weren't known to say no to a drink. There are tales of all sorts of heroes of the Wild West tending their hangovers with this vile concoction. And even though we normally approve of anything that was good enough for Billy the Kid and Doc, there isn't a hangover in the world that would make us go near this stuff. We take our 10-gallon hats off to the men and women of the Wild West -- this is hands down the most legendary hangover cure of all.

If you all have any more bizarre hangover remedies, definitely leave a comment. We’re always looking for ways to eat pickled sheep eyes without being ridiculed by peers. I think the next step is testing some of these out for ourselves.

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